Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
