she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
