So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
