You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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