So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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