roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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