OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize