Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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