At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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