question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
