is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
