Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
