we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
