Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
