Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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