Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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