you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
