The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
