my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
