Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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