Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
