you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
