If that was your dad, he is hot
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
