Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
