don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
