I feel like abortions should bother me more
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
