just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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