Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
