I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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