Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
