don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
