i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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