I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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