I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
