There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
