Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You pole danced in your parka.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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