I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need to sanitize my soul.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
