how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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