his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
And then he peed in my hair
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