I'm so fucking centered right now
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish i was in the wii world.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
