Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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