had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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