the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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