I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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