If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
