i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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