I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
