If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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