Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize