I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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