in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sorry my hands just texted you
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
