I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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