I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize