we made out on top of his cat.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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