i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just threw up on my dentist
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You were trust falling into bushes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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