why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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