if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
