I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
