i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
