he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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