What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize