I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I FOUND THE LEGS
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
