i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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