Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I understand Curling. That high.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
