I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize