Pants 0. Shit 1.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
