Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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