Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
