i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
