I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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