Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
