i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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