I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
