I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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