Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
