I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
