from now on my penis is your penis
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize