i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
