3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
