My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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