And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
