Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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