When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
