if you like me you must not know who I am
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
