Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
