so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
