Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
