i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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