I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
