I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
