My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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