I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
