I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
