at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
