I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
