Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize