dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dignity is for republicans.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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