Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
foreskin is a definite game changer
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
