I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
