New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
