Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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