bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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