Dude my mom stole all your condoms
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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