Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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