I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
