What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sorry about my life...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
