i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Randomize
