1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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