saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize