I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
