Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
