he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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