You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I supernannyed him into submission
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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