My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize