How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
