I cannot find my penis.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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