Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
